Sedation and a Pole
by Mistress of Dreamz
Summary: James Potter, sedation and a pole. Title says it all. Just read and review! [[Drabble]]


**---Sedation and a Pole---**

"_James, I'd like you to consider counseling."_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Yes. It has become known to the professors that you have a bit of an… infatuation… and it might do you well to seek counseling. …Group… counseling," she said, her voice faltering._

"_Do I have a choice?"_

"_No, not really, Mr. Potter."_

And that's how I ended up here.

"NO!" I screamed. "NO! I WON'T GO IN THERE!"

My fingers gripped the doorframe and held onto the crown molding for dear life as two mediwizards tried to pull me – masculine me – into the counseling room.

"DON'T MAKE ME!" I screamed, clawing at the door as my feet were tugged by the mediwizards.

"Sedation!" one of them called. "WE NEED SEDATION!" he roared again as I kicked my feet violently around.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO IN A ROOM WITH NUTTY PEOPLE!" I cried.

The mediwizards arched their brows and looked at me.

"LET ME GO!" I cried weakly.

A healer walked up in front of me. She was very pretty. She had the little white boots and the short white dress and she had a symbol of a wand and a bone crossed on her left boob. She even had the little hat. It was like one of my fantasies come true.

I stopped my pathetic crying immediately and picked up a manly tone.

"Well hello," I purred to her.

"Hello, Mr. Potter," she said crisply, pulling something out of a bag that was handed to her.

"Oh, I've always wanted to hear a healer say that to me," I breathed, totally happy with the day's proceedings.

"I'm sure, Mr. Potter."

"Are you here to make my fantasies come alive?" I asked hopefully.

"Of course, Mr. Potter," she said, rolling up her sleeves.

I practically jumped out of my trousers I was so excited.

"Really?" I asked.

I looked really masculine and everything, my feet and legs being held by two mediwizards while I clung to the doorframe, looking up at her.

"Yes, Mr. Potter, I provide my services for all young men."

"Young girls too?" I asked, my dreams widening with every moment.

"Yes," she said, nodding to the mediwizards behind me.

"Then can we do it with another girl?"

"No, Mr. Potter."

"Why not?" I asked, my spirits dampened.

She bent down low so her eyes were level with mine.

"Because you won't be able to remember it."

Once again she nodded to the mediwizards and I immediately felt my trousers – and boxers, mind you – being yanked down and a needle being poked into my skin.

"Yeowww!" I cried, tears threatening to erupt.

The little witch, she played a trick on me.

"C'mon, Mr. Potter," the mediwizard with my right leg said, "let's get you in the room before you pass out."

I looked blearily around the room as they carried me in, holding my legs while my entire torso hung limply, my head hitting the ground on occasion.

What could I do? I was sedated.

They dumped me down in a cold plastic seat (it was rather warm from other people's buttocks touching it and had a nice padded cushion with adjustable back support) and walked out the room. Twelve chairs were organized in a circle with a really pretty lady to the left of me, three seats over. Everyone was looking at me.

"Could you introduce yourself?" the pretty lady asked.

I stood up and swayed.

"I'm Moony…"

"Pardon?" she asked sweetly.

"Er – Prongs, sorry," I stumbled.

"Come again?" a snotty boy with blonde hair from my right asked.

"Jomes… Janes… James! My name's James!" I said finally.

"Hi, James," the room chorused.

Hey, I could get used to that.

"And, James, why are you here, exactly?" the pretty lady asked.

"I have an _infatuation_," I said evilly. Although it didn't really come out like that, seeing as the sedation was getting to me and it came out as more of an 'inf-ass-ay-shun.' But they got the drift.

"With whom, might I ask?" asked a busty brunette.

I might like to get her name. I wouldn't mind owlin her…

"Lily Evans…" I said, a dreamy look upon my face. "The love of my life."

"Are you a couple?" the busty one asked.

"No… she refuses to go out with me." The dreamy looked snapped off my face.

"She prefers the giant squid to him," a voice laughed.

I squinted my eyes in the direction of the voice.

"Sirius?" I asked, looking at him.

He was munching on a donut with a smirk on his face, looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

He nodded at me.

I'm his best made and all he does is _nod _at me.

Which was rather nice, actually, seeing as if he'd gotten up my vision wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd vomit down Busty Brunette's shirt.

Not that that'd be a bad view or anything.

The pretty lady looked at me again.

"James, why are you _infatuated _with Lily?"

"Did you just ask why you were fat with Lily? That doesn't make sense…" I tried to figure it out… my brain hurt. "Or did you say" I gasped "I'm fat cause you ate Lily!" I looked at her, shocked.

"No! James, that's not it at _all_. Calm down, hun," she said.

I calmed down.

But only cause she looked at me all sweetly.

"Why are you infatuated with Lily?" she asked again.

"Because I love her."

There was a chorus of "awes" around the room.

Sirius looked at me scathingly.

I smirked.

The pretty lady patted my knee.

"Then don't give up hope, sweetheart."

Her hand lingered on my knee for three seconds. Did you see that? She obviously wants me.

Twenty minutes later we were released from the counseling group.

The pretty lady kept making calf eyes at me every two seconds. She _so _wants me.

"James!" Sirius said, coming up to me and slapping me on the back. I stumbled forward.

"Sirius," I said, looking to the left of him.

"I'm over here, mate," he said, waving his hand as indication.

"Right," I said, turning to look to the right of him.

He sighed and gave up hope.

"What are you doing here?" I asked his shoulder.

"Hot chicks… free donuts… s'all good," he said, biting into another donut.

I nodded then looked above his shoulder and saw the healer winking at me.

I giggled and waved back flirtatiously.

"Prongs, what the sodding hell are you doing?" Sirius asked blankly.

"Flirting," I said smoothly. "Just because you don't know the art doesn't mean I should refrain from doing it around you."

I continued to wave. I included some tongue gestures just to get her excited.

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Sirius exclaimed, taking a step back. "Quit molesting the air, dammit!"

"I'm _flirting_," I snapped at him.

"With _who_?" he asked, looking around.

"Her!" I said, jerking my head in the direction of the healer.

He looked in the direction.

"Prongs, I only see a pole," he said.

"She's very thin."

"It's a _pole, _Prongs," he said, looking at me worriedly.

"Nonsense," I said, walking towards her.

"James!" he called.

I had walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

"You want me?" I purred into her neck.

She mumbled something.

"I know you do…"

Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Prongs, I suggest you stop now!" he said, biting into another donut.

"Shut up, Pads!" I screamed at him, taking a break from licking her neck. "Just because you're incapable of flirting doesn't mean I am!"

Sirius stiffened.

"Fine… lick and molest a sodding pole for all I care…" he mumbled.

"What's going on?" said a voice from beside him.

Sirius looked over and saw that it was Evans, watching me do pelvic thrusts on the pole.

"He's humping a pole, what else does it look like?"

She nodded her head.

"Gotcha." She paused. "Any particular reason?"

"He thinks it's a hot healer."

"Oh… typical."

"Yep."

The two stood in silence for a minute.

"When are you going to stop him?"

"When his sedation wears off and he does it himself."

"Right."

More silence.

"You're just going to let him molest poles all afternoon, right?"

"Yep."

* * *

**Author's Ramblings: **Totally pointless and goes no where… but that's a drabble for you, I guess. If you enjoyed, please leave a review! And if you laughed at least once then thank you! That makes me feel like a funny person. LOL.


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